Tuesday, August 26, 2008

JW Sighting at the mall

I saw my old JW friends Jenny and Mike at the mall last night. My heart broke when I saw them, because I realized how much I missed them, it had been almost three years. I wrote a note to Jenny, telling her that I was working on getting reinstated and that I missed her. A girl that I work with gave the note to Jenny. Sam said that when Jenny saw who it was from, her face went ash white and she looked like she was going to faint. She asked Sam to give me a big hug and tell me that she missed me too. I was bawling because I was so upset.
It kind of strengthened my desire to get reinstated, but at the same time, made me angry. Life shouldn't be this way.

Monday, August 25, 2008


So I thought that I would start this because, to be perfectly honest, I like talking to myself. Sometimes, I get a chance to write down things, but not very often. This seemed to be a better way to vent, think out loud and get opinions. So here are the current goings on in my life at this exact moment.

1. I have decided that I DESPISE moving. I am moving this weekend, out of the crappy apartment I've been sharing with Emily and Alaina (love you roomies!) and am going 3.5 miles down the road to a beautiful two bedroom with my little sister. I'll be so glad to be rid of the horrible diner smell from below, the crack house across the street and the always-cold showers, thanks to the aforementioned diner. So I've been packing like a crazy person. Each time I move, and it has been at least a dozen times in the last 3 years, I tend to get rid of alot of "stuff". I'm a packrat, and I keep the oddest items as I think they hold "sentimental" value. Fortunately, I grow less and less attached to "things" the more I move. My move will be almost manageable this time. Yippee!

2. I also loathe my job. I can't for the life of me understand why I'm still here. *sigh* Oh right, my paychecks and the fact that the economy sucks right now, so my choices are limited. Why can't I just find a nice, rich man to marry? I'd even settle for just rich, if he'd support my sorry ass. I'm kidding. I'm too stubborn and far too independent to rely on someone else. And I love what I DO, just not neccessarily WHERE I do it at. Today was a crazy day involving meetings with HR and my boss and phone calls from the president. All assuring me (as they always do) that they situation will be "handled". Yeah....okay. I'll believe it when I see it. So now, here it is, 3:55 pm on a Monday and I am already wishing for it to be 5pm on Friday. That can't be a good sign now can it?

3. I'm in serious "like"-mode. I've been dating this wonderful, amazing, funny, cute man for the past several weeks and I couldn't be happier. That's all I'm saying cause I don't want to jinx it. But all I will say is, it's about DAMN time :-)

4. I'm entering month 6 of trying-to-get-reinstated-as-a-Jehovah's-Witness. The process hasn't been soooo bad, just mildly frustrating and I'm getting more and more impatient. I mean, 6 months already? Come on people. Cut me some slack. I think the reason I want to get reinstated so quickly is because I am quickly losing all the reasons for why I started this process in the first place! I am having a harder and harder time lying that I'm not smoking or dating (I really am working on the smoking thing) and I'm having an even harder time nodding and smiling and pretending that I agree when I don't. Like yesterday. During the second half of the meeting, they were studying out of their Watchtower magazine, about the consequences of not following Jehovah's way. Now I agree that some rules are required, but they were trying to say that if you leave "the truth", you will get AIDS and realize you made a mistake, and then die. I'm serious! I was so disgusted, I had to leave early. The world outside of their bubble, is not neccessarily as bad as they make it out to be! Sure, bad things happen, but getting AIDS is definitely NOT the norm. I'm back pretty much unscathed, save for some scratches and bruises. And then I see what they are putting my friend JM through, and it makes me angry. I know that this is probably not the best mind set to have, and maybe that's why I'm still not reinstated. And then I dread getting reinstated because I'm still going to be dating a non-JW and then what will they do to me? Get upset because I lied and said I wasn't dating anyone? It just seems that I have every reason not to keep going with this process, but again, I'm stubborn and I'm not a quitter. I decided to do this and I will get reinstated. At some point.

Okay that's all for now. I am tired.